Cook up and Wrap up

Friends, greetings from New York, which recently were from Brussels, Belgium, and soon will come from the Dominican Republic, from your good friend Sarah.  I have not had the quietness of mind to catch you up on things, because my head a bit of a blur, so much is changing so fast.  My time with this Kitchen has come to an end and is wrapping up.  We’ll get to that in a little bit.

 

First and foremost, I cooked for my Chef and my Kitchen team, with lots of fumbles along the way (that tends to happen when you do not cook with your usual ingredients with your usual equipment in your usual Kitchen).  It was not spectacular, but it was also not terrible.  I wish it had more spice, including ancho chilies, and I wish I could have hosted them all at my house, with tubs of ice cold beer and tequila shots and a whole spread of chorizo queso, esquites (corn with lime, chilie and mayo), dirty rice, and tres leches cake, but I did the best I could, and it turned out alright. 

 

My favorite moment was when the people from southern California stood---STOOD---over the food while eating—eating so fast that they did not want to move out of the way just so that they could make another taco al pastor as soon as they were done with the previous one.  I loved hearing them say that it reminded them of how they ate in southern California, which is exactly the flavor profile and presentation I was going for.  This food is what I desperately crave and miss and love when traveling so far away so often, and it is always the first meal I have when I get back to the US.  They said it was just what they wanted at that moment, as they ate and ate and ate, contentedly.  Making people happy makes me happy, and that did, after a day being a bundle of nerves and me learning a whole lot along the way.

 

The most important part of the story, though, the best part, the part I will always remember and hold as one of my very favorite memories is the part where I realized just how much my Sous Chefs cared about me.  They intimidate me, and I respect the hell out of them, but mostly, I try to stay out of their way and do what they tell me.  Until you step out of the world where you are known as one of the best and insert yourself into one of the worlds where, next to everyone else, you are one of the worst (and I was and am, compared to them), you will not understand how it felt to try to just….cook…and…be…while they watched over me at every moment.  These Chefs are the people who run the Kitchen to make Executive Chef’s vision happen.  They worked very hard to earn their spots, and these are the people who test out recipe ideas for the next menu iterations, for Chef’s tasting and decisions about what you will be eating next when you come in to dine.  Their vision is what ends up on the plate when you are all out there having dates and birthdays, business deals and anniversaries.  These Chefs are some of the best Sous Chefs I know.

 

I watch them---how they teach others, how they make the exact same dishes but each with their own style.  I listen to how they encourage or scold people.  I listen to how they teach Kitchen rules, prioritization, how to manage things and prepare for the moments of the hardest pressures.  I watch how they navigate the ‘push,’ which is the time in the Kitchen when all of the orders come in at once.  I watch how they use every spare moment and resource to get as much prepared as possible, because it seems we never, ever have enough time, no matter how many people are in the Kitchen each day.  It always feels a bit like a breathless rush to get everything done, all day, every day.

 

One Chef is the tougher guy, the perfectionist who is a driver but is a total softie inside and sings songs in the Kitchen when he’s in a happy mood.  One is the more laid back listener whose smile lights up the Kitchen just like one of my very best Friend’s little brothers.  When someone has a bad day, he is the guy who makes them feel calm again and brings them back into the workflow that we need in order to keep up with the pace. 

 

One is the guy who can make a joke through the most intense moments, to keep it light while knocking things out of the park, no matter how tense they get.  He has become one of the best Friends I have in the Kitchen, and I am lucky for that.  One guy is more intense than I know what to do with, because being excellent is easy to him and I am a peewee hockey player next to this pro.  One is more quiet than others but can step it up and lead with his big voice that everyone respects and listens to.  He always helps me out, no matter how busy he is, explaining things and answering my questions.  One is quiet also, but in a different way, getting his work done with a nudge and a look, but never raising his voice and using very few words.  One oversees Pastry—a team that takes exceptional precision and repetition and perfection.  One is the leader of all of them, second only to Chef, an incredible teacher about the whole scene from cleaning to prep area organization to consistency.  It’s her voice I hear in my head with good advice on how to do things ‘right’ no matter which Kitchen I am in.  She is tough and fair and funny and kind, and she works so hard to make sure we are all the most excellent we can be.  I am going to miss all them very much, more than I ever realized, they have become such an influential imprint on my world here in New York.

 

This team is so talented, so heads and shoulders above anything I will ever be, and they helped me and took time for me, as always, even though technically, they would not do this when a stage cooks for Chef.  When you cook for Chef in a Kitchen, you do it to prove yourself as you apply or audition for a spot in the Kitchen.  As I have said a million times before, I do not want to be a Chef, but I love learning from them.  It was unusual that I would be cooking, but if Chef wants me to cook or clean or chop vegetables, I do it, because he is my Chef, and my job is to make him happy and help him shine.

 

I was nervous to cook for him, because although I have cooked for all of you how many times over, I knew nothing I made would be impressive or even ‘good enough.’  Believe me, it was a thrill when he just tasted the guacamole and declared it ‘good,’ because this was incredibly high praise for me, on something so simple, from a guy with creativity and flair, toughness and stamina and leadership in a way I will never have.  I was nervous as hell, not because he would yell at me, but because I did not want to disappoint him.  I am always, always incredibly mindful about Kitchen costs and inventory, and I knew it was a special thing for them to order special things in just for me to cook.  I also not only did not want to disappoint him, but I wanted to take good care of him and all my Sous Chefs, because I am a giver, a caretaker, and I always do whatever I can to take such good care of all my Chefs, everywhere.

 

I had not been trained on all this Kitchen’s commercial equipment, and I flailed a few times in the process as I prepped and cooked.  They were all sweet to me, though, and every one of those Sous Chefs contributed a little something to help me out as I tried to track down and adjust ingredients and change preparation technique on the fly.  They did not have to help me, but they did, because they are just really outstanding people who care about me more than I realized, in addition to just how much they care for each other and that Kitchen.  One of them said, “I am not going to let you fail,” and I knew I could trust him.  Knowing that you have the space to fail sometimes gives people just the confidence they need, knowing there is a safety net nearby who will help you get it right, and I had that.

 

It is a gift to be able to be part of that team, even for a little while, and I never took it for granted.  I have learned even more than I thought I would about coaching people under pressure in my medical world by watching these Chefs, but more importantly, I made Friends with some really cool people….people who intimidate the hell out of me in the Kitchen, but I suppose I would intimidate the hell out of them in the operating room or at a conference.  I was nervous, but I was ready, and no matter the emotional stress that was going on about my family back home, with my sister who was unexpectedly very sick, I was not going to miss this chance to cook.  It was now or never.

 

I cooked, and I prepped:  pico de gallo, guacamole with lime and salt and onion and cilantro.  I pickled onions in red wine vinegar and sugar, and I cut fresh pineapple to be the perfect size.  I pulled the perfect leaves off the cilantro, and I sliced the radishes and chilled them on ice water.  I marinated, roasted, shredded and sauced the meat, and I seared the tortillas on the hot commercial cooktop after one of my Sous Chefs taught me how to do that.  I laid everything out just right so that Chef could see everything organized and appetizing.  I made things look clean and nice and allowed enough flex to accommodate multiple Chefs’ many ideas on how things should be done.  Let’s just say that when you decide to cook something surrounded by some of the most talented Chefs, they all have incredibly good ideas---and all of them are different.  I swear I could have talked to all of them for about 4 hours only on the preparation ideas of tacos al pastor, something I have made dozens of times for all of you in Belgium and the US. 

 

Here is a picture not from our Kitchen, and not of tacos al pastor, because I am not allowed to take pictures there, but from even better tacos than I make.  This gives you an idea, though, of how a good picture can make you…hungry.

It all turned out ok—not spectacular, but not terrible.  I did not start any fires, I did not burn myself, and even though I was overwhelmed to be cooking with those hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of equipment, I really loved cooking for them all.  They take good care of me, and it is important that I do my part to give back.  We ate together at the end of Service, with a special set up for Chef to eat first, when all orders had been sent into the Kitchen and it was time to start clean-up for the night.  By then, Chef, and everyone else, too, are hungry, really hungry, and I bet that helped them enjoy the food more, too.  I’ll take what I can get J

 

Chef tried it, announced that it was ‘good’ which is the highest praise I could hope for, since he is 3 Michelin star quality.  He had seconds, which also made me happy, and he gave me tips, of course, on how it could be even better next time.  It was really nice, having this 1:1 time with these Chefs, and it will be one of my favorite memories.

 

After this meal together, I helped clean the Kitchen, and then I went home to pack for my trip back to Brussels, for an extremely short notice business trip.  Business is booming, and this means changes are once again ahead.  I do not get paid, and I do not get any credits for being a student Chef, and my other work in medical research is what pays the bills.  When my clients need me for something related to patient safety that is urgent, I need to jump to help them, because we are under crunch time.

 

This change also unfortunately meant that I could only stage in this Kitchen one day a week instead of two, and after talking it over with Chef, it did not make sense to have me in that Kitchen one day a week, when there were culinary students who needed time and space and credits earned, in the space I was taking up.  Those students needed the opportunity to learn and grow and be taught by these Chefs, instead of me, since they were going to be Real Chefs.  My dream of being there for a year ended up being about 3 months, but those 3 months are priceless to me.  Those 3 months taught me more about coaching under pressure and about excellence in a whole new way that not many people get the chance to learn.  Those 3 months also gave me a lot of new Friends I would not have otherwise met, and that is the best gift of all.

 

I will miss this team of Chefs very, very much.  They did not have to welcome me or let me be part of their team.  They did not have to be kind to me.  They did not have to cut me slack on the days that they did.  They did not have to make room for me or teach me or help me or be patient, but they did, and they were, every single day.  I am going to miss them, and I am going to miss that Kitchen, so very much.  There will not ever be a day when I think about New York without quietly smiling to myself and shaking my head about this little adventure I have had with them---this incredibly hard choice I did not have to make in order prove to myself something I did not need to re-learn yet chose to re-learn. 

 

I did not have to be back on the bottom, but I did it.  I did not have to put myself in the place of being the worst, but I am comfortable being uncomfortable, and this helped me find balance in the rest of my life, too, which is exactly what I wanted and needed.  I did not have to prep thousands of goddamn Brussels sprouts and heads of cauliflower and white balsamic vinaigrette and lemon oil and all the other things I learned, but I did it, we did, together, because for these few months, I worked alongside one of the very best Kitchen teams in the world, and I loved every minute.  How lucky I am, for that gift of adventure, for these people.  They made my welcome to New York so very happy and got me started, here, in this new third place to call home.

 

I love this team of Chefs.  I love this Kitchen.  I will always be grateful for this time with them, and I will take the good things they taught me to the next place I start at in a couple of weeks, the place I will learn all the same things all over again.  I can hardly wait.

 

 

Friends, today I write to you from New York, soon to be the Dominican Republic, because your good friend Sarah just went through a lot of big changes and a lot of back to back 18-20 hour days, and I need a rest.  Finally, I feel like I can take one, but I will be thinking, always, on how to make that dinner even better the next time.

 

Always take good care of the people who take good care of you, because we are all so busy, and taking time for people we love shows just how much we care, too, and I do, very, very much.

 

Love from New York,

Your Good Friend Sarah