Language Lessons

Friends, greetings from Minneapolis, from your good friend Sarah, who is freezing to death even as I am smiling so big from hugging so many long-time friends, chefs, dogs, neighbors, and as of today, even 3 strangers wanted hugs, and so, I gave them hugs too, because everyone deserves a hug at Christmas.

Now that I am home for 6 1/2 days, I am realizing just how much New York has become home for me now.  I look at my skyline here and think how quaint and cute it looks, like a little snowglobe city, now that I am so used to New York's skyline.  I have started giving the taxi drivers 3 different sets of directions, and I have been talking fast, far, far, far too fast, for the Minnesotans, and I have to remember where I am and who I am, in order to not repeat myself six times.  I am far too direct to be spending time in Minnesota and must re-learn my passive-aggressive roots once more, in order for people to understand me here.

This reminded me one of my days in Belgium, when my Friend Angelo, whom I met on a train, decided he was going to come to my house and have me cook for him.  We had a bit of a language barrier, there, too, which I thought I would share with you today.  Friends who met him while I lived in Brussels will remember this story of the ever-handsome and ever-opinionated Angelo, with whom I also had language challenges. 


Brussels, sometime in 2011:

Friends, some days your good friend Sarah wonders if I am speaking a different language than the rest of you.

Angelo is coming over today to work on my jardin, where the vines have almost taken over.  He’s a manly man like that—he sees something that needs to be done, and he announces there will be change.  And then, voila, it gets done, and I don’t have to worry about it. 

I really like that about him.  Angelo is very smart, and he speaks several languages, but we often have difficulty understanding each other on the phone, especially when it comes to making plans.  He called me up, and we had one of our typical conversations.

Sarah:  Hello?

Angelo:  I am Angelo.  (This is how he announces himself.  He is not stupid, not at all, he is very smart, but the English language as a 4^th language has some tricks and turns that make simple exchanges charming, such as this one, which always makes me giggle.)

Sarah:  I know that, Angelo.  I know you are Angelo.  Hello! How are you?

Angelo:  How are you, be-be?

Sarah:  I’m fine, how are you?

Angelo:  I’m good yes, and you are good?

Sarah:  I am good.

Angelo:  And Janek?  Janek is good?  I must to go to salute him.

(It is this moment that I always have to again stifle a giggle, as I imagine Angelo walking up to Janek, my former housemate, putting his hand in soldier formation on his forehead, and saluting, when Angelo means to say he will go to say hello to Janek.) 

Sarah:  Yes, Janek enjoys being saluted.

Angelo:  What be-be?  What did you say?

Sarah: Nothing.  Sorry.  A little joke.

Angelo:  I come to your house today.  Your jardin, ach, it is terrible.

Sarah:  Ok, but I have to work all day.

Angelo:  I come at maybe 10 AM maybe 5pm.

Sarah:  OK, but I have to work all day.  What time will you come? How long will it take?

Angelo:  I will come and you will show me what you want to have done.  I will take all the vines down, and you will make a coffee for me.

Sarah: I will make coffee for you, yes, but I do not want all of the vines taken down, I only want them trimmed.  How long will it take?

Angelo:  I will take them all down just for you be-be.  You gonna like it.  You gonna see.  Yes.  And you will cook something.

Sarah:  I will not cook something.

Angelo: Yes, you will make something nice, and we will have some wine in your jardin tomorrow.

Sarah:  We will not have wine in the jardin tomorrow because I have to work.  I have conference calls all afternoon, and I cannot be drinking. 

Angelo:  What MAH-sheen do you have?

Sarah: MAH-sheen?  Like a washing machine?

Angelo:  No, no, be-be, not a washing machine. What MAH-sheen do you have?  You have the corner MAH-sheen?

Sarah:  I don’t know what a corner machine is, and so I probably do not.  How long will this take? I have to work tomorrow.

Angelo:  Ach, be-be, how am I supposed to cut the vines?  You have no MAH-sheen. Ach.  Terrible.  This is the life.

Sarah:  I know.  It is terrible.  It is really terrible (I say as I shake my head trying to figure out what the hell he is talking about).

Angelo:  We must to go to Brico to buy a MAH-sheen.

Sarah: No.  I will not go to Brico to buy a machine.  We will use the clippers and the saw.

Angelo:  You do have a MAH-sheen?  And you will make a coffee?

Sarah:  I will make a coffee, yes, but I have no machine.  What time are you coming, because I have to work tomorrow.

Angelo:  We’re gonna see, we’re gonna see.  I go to my friend’s house to salute him, and I bring a MAH-sheen. I come at 10AM or 5pm I don’t know.

Sarah:  Which time are you coming? 10AM or 5PM?

Angelo:  I don’t know be-be.  I don’t know.  I must to text you tomorrow to tell you when I come.

Sarah:  Ok, but if you call or text while I am working I cannot take your call.

Angelo:  Why be-be?  Why you do not take my call?  What did I do? Why you are mad? I try to take care of you, you know?  I am the man, and you must know I try to take care of you and your jardin.

Sarah:  Angelo, I’m not mad, and I will take your call, but only if I am not on the phone with my client.  I cannot take your call if I am on the phone with my boss.

Angelo:  I don’t know.  Ach, be-be, this is the life.  I must to go to my friend’s house to salute him and to bring the MAH-sheen, and then we will have a coffee, and you will cook something.

Sarah:  *sigh*.  Whatever you say Angelo, I’ll see you tomorrow.  Thank you for helping me.

Angelo:  You’re welcome be-be.  I go to make a bath now and a glass of wine.

Sarah:  You are making wine in the bath?

Angelo:  No, be-be, I go to make a bath, and I take a wine.

Sarah:  Ah, that makes more sense.  Because I will not drink bathtub wine.

Angelo:  What be-be?  Yes, we have this wine in your jardin tomorrow.

Sarah: No, there will be no wine in the jardin tomorrow.  I have to work.  It was a joke.

Angelo: Ok be-be, I come tomorrow, yeah?  I bring the MAH-sheen, and it’s gonna to look very nice without those vines everywhere.  You gonna see.  You gonna see.  You gonna like it.  You gonna like it very much, yeah?  And you make a coffee and make something nice, but not that chicken, I don’t like that so much.  You can do better.  Not the chicken, be-be.

 

So apparently I have spoken a completely different language than English. He’s a very good negotiator, no?  Yes. And I salute him for that.  Angelo reads books on history and art and business and runs his own firm, and we have brilliant conversations in person, but sometimes the simplest conversations make no sense to me whatsoever. I don’t mind. The jardin will look terrific when he’s done with it, whether or not I agree with his plans.  Either way, it looks like I had better make some coffee. 

 

Wishing you a day of saluting and bathtub wine (but no chicken) from Brussels,

Your Good Friend Sarah