Chef Languages

Friends, good morning from New York City, from your good friend Sarah, who is running on about 3.5 hours of sleep and is dead dog tired, but happy.

 

Last night was Date Night with the guy I met while in NYC this past summer, the same weekend I first worked in my current Kitchen.  Let’s call him…..Simon.   My Friend Josephina saw him last summer, when he and I finished a coffee before I met with her, and the look on her face after she watched us kiss our goodbyes, with his left hand sliding down, down, slowly down to just above the curve of my ass as he skimmed the other one up, up, up, up along my body, up to just behind my head as he tilted my head gently back before kissing me with that perfect mouth, was a look of, “Oh REALLY now….” which Josephina has perfected.  The look on her face said it all, as she asked me, “Ok, WHO was THAT? He is HOT!” to which I just shook my head and blushed and rolled my eyes (because I still could not find words after THAT kiss goodbye.)  So, that is Simon and Sarah and our terrible wonderful chemistry.

 

Last night, Simon, of course, wanted to meet me at my Kitchen, my current restaurant, to see just what all the fuss is about, why I was so happy there. I reluctantly obliged, because this place, these people are special to me, and I want to keep that separate, just for me. 

 

That team of Chefs is incredibly kind and thoughtful, and I did not want any of that wasted on Simon, whom, I think, does not deserve their kindness yet.  Kitchens and Chefs show they care about you by sending out special things from the Kitchen, to show you they recognize that you work hard, to show that they See You and want to do something nice for you. It is always a thrill when they send out lovely little surprises that I never, ever take for granted and am always so excited to see what they came up with. People who would not appreciate that thoughtfulness do not deserve it, and I wanted to make sure my fantastic Chefs did not do anything special for us, not that night, not the night we needed to have The Conversation I have been avoiding…the one about the future of our relationship.  I needed to communicate that to Chef.

 

Now, Chefs have a secret language of sass that I appreciate very, very much, because I, too, speak that language.  One time, in Minnesota, when I showed up at one of my Kitchens on Date Night, that Chef came out of the kitchen to kiss me hello, took away the menus, and announced he was going to cook for me.  That Chef and I also had a delicious history of completely inappropriate flirtation, so I also knew I was in for trouble.  He sent out a plate that had 2 huge, and I mean HUGE asparagus spears, tips pointing up, with two huge scallops at the bottom of the spears.  Take a minute to picture this.  Got it?  Yeah, that’s how we communicated.  Hilarious to me, especially because my date did not even notice.  Do not ever, ever, ever take the absolute brilliance of Chefs for granted, Friends.  They are some of the very smartest people I know, and I love them for it.  So, back to Simon…

 

I quickly sent Chef a message saying that the Kitchen should NOT do anything special for me/us, because it was Date Night and Simon had to earn it first. 

 

Chef, of course, because he understands me and most likely gets a kick out of knowing EXACTLY how to keep me in line when I get too feisty, reminded me just as quickly that this was HIS Kitchen and not mine, that he would do whatever HE wanted, and I would LIKE it.  I should know this by now, I really should, but I like his reminders, I’m not going to lie.  There is an interesting push/pull as I switch being Kitchen Stage/Slave and CEO Sarah, and sometimes if I overstep my role, he will gently but firmly pick me up and put me back into my place all while smirking as he does it.  I love that guy, he is so awesome at knowing exactly how to talk to me no matter which Sarah is in the Kitchen that day. Not many people know how to do that, and I dig it.  I need that in my life---people who “get” me, and so I always take very, very good care of them.

 

Chef advised me that if something was sent out, comped from the Kitchen, that I should look Simon in the eye, pause, and casually say, “This is how VIP I am.”  I know better than to respond with anything but, “Oui, Chef,” by now, but I also knew I had a pretty good buzz on and should watch what I say to Chef because I was feeling feisty and most likely would say something drunkenly sassy that I could not take back and would hear about in the kitchen the next day, along with a 50 pound bag of potatoes to peel. 

 

And so, Simon and I met, and the chemistry was ridiculous, and I felt beautiful, and he lit up when he saw me walk in.  And you need to understand something, here, Friends:  after working long hours chopping cauliflower with no makeup and wearing kitchen clogs, when I get to walk into that restaurant, that Kitchen, as CEO Sarah, as Date Night Sarah, I do not walk in, I strut.  And I did.  And he noticed.  And he hated it.

 

Oh he hated it so much.  He hated the looks I got from the other men in the lobby, the looks from the ones who looked up from their dates to watch me walk by.  I am not the skinniest girl, I am not the prettiest girl, but I have a sexy confidence that makes people take notice, and I worked it hard last night.  He hated that the Chefs who walked by hugged me and said it was so good to see me.  He hated that the back bar hostesses smiled and were sweet to me.  The place was a buzzy scene of Who’s Who in New York, and Simon wanted me to himself.  He insisted we leave, and so, because I really did not want to fight and never really wanted to bring him to my Kitchen in the first place, we did. 

 

We went to a quieter place where he told me I was beautiful, I was aMAZing (and I HATE that word so very, very much I never ever want to hear it again because it is now meaningless it is so overused).  He told me he missed me, that he wanted to spend more time together, and he told me all the things he loved best about me.  All I could do was stare at his perfect mouth, not hearing the words, just trying to decide whether, in my sometimes lonely new life here in NYC since I have not yet made a circle of Friends, to jump back into this or not.  We finished one bottle of Valipocella, then two.  We replayed our favorite moments of the summer, of us, and I felt….nothing.  But that mouth, his mouth…is my downfall, every time.

 

Simon has dark hair and a perfect, perfect, perfectly sexy mouth that I cannot help staring at when I see him, because all I can think about is how I want his bottom lip between mine so that I can taste it.  I could kiss him for 2 hours and find 600 different ways to do it. There is and always has been intense chemistry between us, from moment one, and everyone around us knows it, without us even touching or talking.  All it takes is a look….he and I seem to have two separate conversations at once…one with words, one without.  I should let him more into my world, but I keep him at arm’s length, without really understanding why, and it drives him mad.  He wants me, all of me, but he doesn’t have all of it, all of me, yet, and I do not know that he ever will.

 

There is nothing better in my world than to have a smart, sexy man who I do not even need words to communicate with who knows how to gently but firmly pull me in, make me stay put for just a moment as he holds me close, close closer before That kind of kiss.  I need that. I want that. I have that, right in front of me in him, and that part of Simon & Sarah is flawless. The problem is that I just don’t know if I want that with him anymore, but I did not have it in me to figure that out last night.  Last night was about habit and the ease of history together, and so I did not fight it, I just fell into it because at that moment, that is what I needed, but someone else is on my mind and has been for a while now.  We had something terrific, something magical, and it is unfinished because it is in its simmering spot, where we both need to figure out what to do after all the cards were laid out on the table.  It may be something, it may be nothing, but I know him well enough to know he has gone away to think about it before coming back to talk about it, and I will give him that space and time, because I need it, too.  I think I need another 3 hours chopping cauliflower to shut out the rest of the world and figure the rest of it out, so I will be grateful for whatever task lists my Sous Chefs give me, in order to do just that.

 

In the meantime, we took in New York in all its beautiful lit up loveliness at night, in holiday season, and we held hands and kissed kissed kissed pressed up against the walls of the buildings on the dark side streets.

 

And so, even though I was a weak woman last night, even though Simon wants me, all of me, I want something else.  I do not know what it is yet, but I am getting closer, and I will continue chopping cauliflower until I do, speaking in the language of Chefs but not sharing it with people who do not yet deserve it.  He’s just going to have to wear a ski mask that covers his face and those lips every time I see him so that I do not forget.

 

 

Have a good day, today, Friends. With love from New York,

Your Good Friend Sarah